To be honest, I was a little sad seeing graduates walk to the Fieldhouse with their robes flowing behind them, their tassles on their caps blowing in the wind. I'm a senior, I could have been in that graduating class if I really wanted to, but I changed my major and minor about a million times, I studied abroad for a semester, and I also took some silly classes that had no relation to my major, including Ballet and Spanish. I really could have graduated on time, but I'm glad I'm not. I'm happy I'm taking a victory lap. I'm not ready to get into the real world yet!
This article is in honor of how I'd love to stay in college for the rest of my life.
By Shawn Binder
1. Gossiping. I'm sure a year ago people would have really cared if you had heard the latest, juicy gossip about a fellow classmate. I'm sure you would have relished the moment if you had been the one to bring the breaking news that the high school quarterback was actually into the other jocks. But you're in college now and the first rule of college is that no one gives a sack who does what. Stop gossiping and get back to studying, slag!
2. Relying on your parents to fix simple issues. One of the incredible things about college is that you're now 18 or older, and the law treats you as such. Calling your parents, begging them to talk to a professor about your 'totally undeserved' failing grade, or to call university housing to file a complaint about an obnoxious roommate will just get you a few chuckles. If I had a dollar for every time a parent called me at my job to complain on behalf of their little Timmy or Sarah, I'd have a whole new wardrobe courtesy of Burberry. Mmkay?
3. Going home every weekend. During freshman year, I thought it would be an awesome idea to go home and visit my significant other every single weekend. There will be times that you miss your parents, your BF/GF, or your cat, and will want to rush home to see them every chance you get. Don't.
4. Expecting you and your roommate to be BFFs. This is a common mistake most freshmen make, myself included. I expected my freshman roommate and I to go to the gym together and get wasted at parties together and just be best pals forever. Well, I was wrong, and there is a 75 percent chance that you'll be wrong, too. Halfway through the year when all your goldfish go missing and your roommate sneaks a ball python into your room, you'll be whispering to yourself, 'I hate this guy.' It happens, babies.
5. Being close-minded. People are gay. People wear strange hats and rainbow tights that you just won't understand. People will have breakdowns in front of you. People will vomit on or near you. If you come to college with the mentality that you're a special little snowflake, and that your way is the only way that matters, you're in for a rude awakening.
6. Obsessing about the Freshman 15. It seems to me that as soon as people enter college, they fall victim to the fear of becoming super far. Sure, some people do gain weight once they enter college. Too much beer and McDonald's and not enough carrots are the perfect storm for an epic gut. However, hitting up the gym six days a week and ignoring the pizza bar based just on your fear of the Freshman 15 is silly. The dining hall's pizza is disgustingly greasy, and as far as I can remember, absolutely delicious.
7. Treating college like a giant party. This is the part where I stand on my soapbox and preach. Listen, you and your parents don't pay a ton of money for your college for you to get obliterated on Mike's Hard Lemonade every night. If you realize you're going out four of the seven days of the week, you need to reevaluate your life. You're here to learn something, and I hope you learn something other than numerous sex positions and the fact that you have an intolerance to tequila. You don't need a degree for that.
Speaking of staying in college forever (well, at least for this summer), I'm interning with Career & Leadership Development this summer. I decided to stay in Whitewater this summer, and when Laura asked me to work this summer, I happily obliged. My office moved, too! I'm now IN Career & Leadership Development. I'm pretty excited, but I think I'm more excited about the fact that I get two computer screens.