Tuesday, April 30, 2013

365 Days of Happy - Day 120

When I first saw this a few months ago, I DIED. Which is funny because, well...you'll see.

Life Lessons I Learned From Silver Linings Playbook

As some of you might know, Silver Linings Playbook is one of my favorite movies. It ranks up there with 500 Days of Summer, Little Miss Sunshine, Garden State and Moonrise Kingdom. The other day in one of my journalism classes, I was daydreaming, like I usually do, and I came up with this list. While you're reading, listen to this song that's in the soundtrack. 

13 Life Lessons I Learned From Silver Linings Playbook

1. It can still be a date if you order Raisin Bran.

2. The perfect song can make you feel invincible.

3. Running while wearing a trash bag will help you sweat more and therefore lose more weight.

4. Never read Ernest Hemingway's A Farewell To Arms. You might throw it out the window.

5. You probably shouldn't wear a football jersey to a nice dinner.

6. Always have a good luck charm. This can be anything from a pink rabbit's foot to your son.

7. Stalking is never the answer.

8. Going to a therapist will usually always be helpful.

9. Always take your medicine.

10. Sometimes the people who are the most messed up in their heads are the most beautiful.

11. Wearing all black can make you seem very sexy and mysterious.

12. Whenever you get a chance to dance -- dance.

13. And remember - there is always a silver lining.

Song of the Day - Covers

I think any song by Alt-J would be extremely hard to cover, because their technique and style is so unique. But Mumford and Sons does a great job turning this sultry song into a raw, acoustic dream.

Mumford and Sons - Tessellate

Ellie Goulding also does an awesome job covering this song! Check it out.

Also, here's a math lesson for you! What is tessellating?
The process of creating a two-dimensional plane using the repetition of a geometric shape with no overlaps and no gaps. (Thanks, Wikipedia!
M.C. Escher was a huge influence on making tessellation patterns into art. Here is some of his artwork:

Monday, April 29, 2013

365 Days of Happy - Day 119

Thanks, Buzzfeed, for this awesome, thought-provoking video.

How Much Food Can You Buy For $5 Around The World?

Song of the Day - Music Video Monday

If you aren't listening to Feist, you better get on that. And if you haven't seen this music video, watch it. Seriously. It's three minutes of pure happiness.

Feist - 1 2 3 4

Sunday, April 28, 2013

365 Days of Happy - Day 118

Today's Day of Happy is dedicated to Delta Zeta, the one thing that has been constant throughout my college career. I owe everything to Delta Zeta. I've met so many amazing women through this sorority and I can't wait for all the great opportunities and networking it can bring me when I'm an alum. 
Below is our creed, written by Dorothy Mumford Williams of Alpha Zeta chapter in 1939.

To the World,
I promise temperance and insight and courage
To crusade for justice,
To seek the truth and defend it always;

To those whom my life may touch in slight measure,
May I give graciously
Of what is mine;

To my friends,
Understanding and appreciation;

To those closer ones,
Love that is ever steadfast;

To my mind,

To myself,
That I may walk truly
In the light of the Flame.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

365 Days of Happy - Day 117

Well would'ya look at these beautiful people! Ryan and I fancied ourselves up and went to a wedding today. My sorority sister Lauren's wedding! Check out our dinner. Yes, that was a serving for one person, and yes, I did eat it all.

Here you can see us doing the Delta Zeta shuffle to Girls Just Want To Have Fun.

There was also a photobooth! I definitely took part in that.

I also gave my big sister her paddle! It was patterned with pictures of New York City, because that's where Sarah lives now.

At one point I had three paddles in my room. The one I made for Sarah, the one Sarah gave me, and the one I made for my little Leah. I had so much fun making the two paddles on the ends!

I had SO much fun at the wedding. I haven't been a guest at a wedding since I was a bridesmaid in my older sister Cary's wedding about 7 years ago, and this past summer I took photos during weddings, always trying to get the perfect shot. Two of my best friends just got engaged so hopefully I'll be able to attend more weddings :)

Friday, April 26, 2013

365 Days of Happy - Day 116

Today was Make a Difference Day! Most of the Greek organizations, Career & Leadership Development interns, Resident Assistants and other prominent students took part in this event. I didn't really know why I had to be there, because I mean, I make a difference every day just by being alive. I KID. 
Heather and I took pictures of the event, and by that I mean Heather took pictures and I live tweeted.

Song of the Day - Friday Favorites

The summer before I turned 14, my family and I took a trip to Alaska. Here is proof. We were on a boat to go look at glaciers cave.

I appreciated my parents taking me on this once of a lifetime trip, but I don't appreciate how they didn't tell me how terrible those bug-eyed sunglasses looked on me.

That summer, my family and I flew to Washington and then took a cruise up to Alaska. The cruise was totally awesome. I mean, think about being 14 years old and having a huge boat all to yourself, not to mention having free food, warm weather, and great views. One day I even laid out on the top deck in my bathing suit top and shorts it was so warm! The cruise ship stopped in Juneau, Ketchikan and Fairbanks so we got to explore different parts of Alaska.

I met a guy on the ship. I'm not exactly sure how we met, but we hung out a few times. His name was Casey and he was a hockey player from Colorado, on vacation with his family as well. When we were lounging on chaises by one of the many pools on the ship, he showed me some music of his, including this one. This is one of my favorite songs, but not because a cute boy showed me it. It's really upbeat with reggae tones, and for two minutes, it makes everything seem okay.

Slightly Stoopid - Collie Man

Thursday, April 25, 2013

365 Days of Happy - Day 115

Thanks, Thought Catalog, for giving me another great article to read during class and then be completely inspired by it. I can relate to every single one of these social situations. Thought Catalog, you totally get me.

6 Social Situations That Aren't A Big Deal, But Give Me Anxiety
By Christopher Hudspeth

1. Icebreaker Circles

Basically the point of these things is to go around one by one, and give the scoop on yourself, listing a few basic things, like the junk that would be mentioned on a Wikipedia page about you. The funny thing is, if you don't enjoy that ten seconds in the spotlight, this is a nightmare scenario. You wait in anticipation, dreading your turn as your mind races.

Oh, crap - what am I gonna say? My knees are shaking. My hands are so moist. Ew, I just said moist - did anyone hear that? No, dummy, these are thoughts, they can't hear you...But what if they can? What if everyone here reads minds and they're laughing hysterically to each other about how stupid your pants are, and the fact that you used the word moist. I'm on to you people; I know you can hear this, you bastards.

Then suddenly it's my turn. The irony of the icebreaker is that I learned absolutely nothing about anyone, because I was too busy freaking the hell out. All I can recall is charismatic people speaking about their accolades and setting the bar higher than my moist fingertips can grip. I'll shakily stutter out my name, city of birth and a hobby, then spend the next hour upset because I have hobbies that I like way more than the one I mentioned, and now these people think my life revolves around playing fantasy football.

2. Compliments

Remember in Mean Girls when Regina tells Cady, 'You're like, really pretty,' and when Cady says, 'Thank you,' Regina's like, 'OH SO YOU AGREE THAT YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY???' That's my fear. By saying 'thanks,' you might take it as me agreeing. And often we do agree with compliments, which we should. We should have confidence, and take these things in stride, but that's an art I've yet to master. Say something nice to me and it typically goes something like this:

Compliment Giver: Hey, Christ - nice sweater.

Me: (nervously) Really? No, it's actually terrible if you really look at it. See, there's this hole in the armpit and like, it's kind of hard to tell what color it even is. Are you green? Are you gray? Stupid fucking sweater. AmIright?

3. Ordering Something That I Can't Pronounce

Far too often, there's an item on the menu that sounds delicious based on its description, but the dish's name is some combination of letters that look like they have no business forming words together. The menu may as well be printed in Wingdings because I have no idea what it says, and now I'm going to order the cheeseburger. Stupid, I know, but I've changed my order countless times because I didn't want to butcher the pronunciation of something. Even worse, when it's something simple, I still rehearse it in my mind so I know my lines when the time comes.

This isn't limited to things I can't pronounce. If the title is something silly sounding, I'll skip on that too...I'm looking at you, IHOP - with your Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST CALL IT PANCAKES WITH WHIP CREAM 'N FRUIT SHIT?! Now I'm going to order the Denver Omelet because that sounds respectable. Oh, you think that's stupid? Well eggscuse me for not wanting to sound ridiculous. (Seriously? I'm comfortable making bad puns to the world, but won't ask a waiter for the Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity - what is wrong with me?)

4. If People Can Hear What's Playing In My Headphones

Is there anything wrong with a 24-year-old man listening to Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie? Is there everything wrong with a 24-year-old man listening to Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie? Unfortunately I don't know. I don't have these answers, and while I've considered bumping my jams and letting people judge my uncommon taste in music if they choose to, I've yet to do so. Every time I go to turn the volume up, my brain declines it. Somewhere in the medulla oblongata, a message is sent saying, 'Hey! You don't have self-assurance, what are you doing? Insufficient funds in the confidence bank, bro - get your finger off of that iPod.

5. Wearing A New Outfit

Okay, this can't just be me - I know other people have to feel somewhat aware when they've got on new thread. It's this outfits first appearance and if it's not getting compliments, people must be thinking to themselves, 'That there is an ugly combination of clothing.'

The funny thing is, even if the outfit did draw compliments, I'd be super uncomfortable (see #2). So basically, wearing new clothes is a lose-lose situation for the over-evaluating, self-conscious mind.

6. The Speed Of My Windshield Wipers In Comparison To Everyone Else's Windshield Wipers

K, this one is preposterous, but so are the rest of 'em, really. Methinks I'll stop confessing my bizarre thought process now, seeing how being concerned with if the pace at which raindrops are swiped from your windshield is the popular one, probably comes off as a lot of neurotic mixed with a little bit of crazy.

Song of the Day - Songs About Sweaters

I'm going to change it up this Thursday and post two of my favorite songs...about sweaters. Could there be a more romantic topic to sing about? I don't think so.

I heard this first one a few years ago and fell in love with the sassy lyrics and upbeat tone. Girls, listen to this! I'm sure you can relate.

Meryn Cadell - The Sweater

I stumbled upon this one a few weeks ago. It's super hip, so listen to this only if you're a hipster.

The Neighbourhood - Sweater Weather

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Career Lessons From Dexter

Guess what I did in World of Ideas class today. I WROTE THIS.

The idea stemmed from this blog post, Career Lessons From Popular TV Shows. I really liked the concept of it, how you can learn life or career lessons from just about anything! So, instead of paying attention to my oh so boring professor, I wrote this. Warning - If you haven't seen Dexter, there are spoiler alerts in here!

5 Career Lessons From Dexter

1. Learn to multitask. Dexter isn't too good with juggling his job, his killing sprees, and his family. Don't be like him! (well, for more than this reason) Dexter also doesn't have the best time management skills. Once you get to college and start a job or internship, you need to have mastered time management skills. Also, if you can multitask, meaning if you can brainstorm ideas about a new project while your coworker chats about her current life problems, or if you can check the news or work-related updates during your elevator ride, or if you can finish blood spatter analyses at work while researching about your dead mother while plotting your next kill, you can kill two birds with one stone. Ha ha, see what I did there?

2. Love what you do. Dexter's job seems SO cool, right? He's a blood spatter analysis, meaning he figures out how someone was murdered or injured by looking at their blood spatter on the ground or walls. Of course, his interest in blood stemmed from his traumatic childhood in an outdoor warehouse crate. When I was younger, I loved to write. I have stacks of journals filled to the margins with silly writings and stories. No wonder I'm such a good journalist ;) What did you love to do when you were younger? Take these wise words by Confucius to heart, 'Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.'

3. Determination is key. Have you noticed how Dexter always gets the bad guy? He's such a boss. But, more importantly, he knows what he wants, and he gets it. I know it's cheesy, but if you put your mind to something, chances are, you're going to get it - whether it be visualizing an important interview before it happens, running a successful program, or being rewarded by recieving a bonus.

4. Prepare for change. In this show, it seems like there is a cliffhanger at the end of every episode. From realizing who the Ice Truck Killer is to hearing Rita say she is pregnant; from hearing a gunshot and seeing Lundy dead, to seeing his son Harrison in the bathroom in a pool of blood. When the credits show up, I'm always shouting, 'No no no!' with my mouth agape. (Ask Ryan, he can confirm this.) When things don't go your way at work, don't drop your mouth so it looks like you're catching flies. Start brainstorming solutions right away. Always prepare for the unexpected.

5. Do your research. The Miami Metro Police Department has messed up a few times and had to backtrack. The one I remember is when LaGuerta falsely accused Tony Tucci as being the Ice Truck Killer. This put them way behind on their investigation and it discredited the department in a major way. Whether you're a journalist, a PR specialist, or a police officer, make sure you double and triple check your sources, quotes, and information before you make it public. Dexter is annoyingly accurate in everything he does. Be like him for this reason only!

Also, don't forget to reward yourself for all your good-doings, whether it be dropping money on a shiny new car or looking through all your shiny blood slide trophies.

365 Days of Happy - Day 114

My professor, Mr Kates, showed us this in Revolutions in Journalism class today, and I almost died laughing in class.

Song of the Day

Oh, Trevor Hall! You get me every time. This song makes my heart melt.

Trevor Hall - Origami Crane

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

365 Days of Happy - Day 113

I found this the other day on Thought Catalog and instantly connected with it. I'm an introvert and damn proud of it! So please understand why I'm such a hermit. And please don't say any of these things to me.

11 Things You Should Stop Saying To Introverts
By Madison Moore

1. Why are you so quiet? Oh yeah? Well why are you always rolling around yapping your pie hole and acting like a gorilla all the time? Getting asked why introverts are 'so quiet' is really annoying, but it just underscores how much value people place on talking and filling up the air with meaningless sound.

2. You must not be that smart - I mean, you never say anything in class. Introverts are quiet because we don't find value in idle conversation, or talking just for the sake of talking. We may not raise our hands right away, but it doesn't mean we're not processing ideas in our own way. We have lots to say about stuff because we are always thinking.

3. You need to get out more. Extroverts think that introversion is something that can be fixed by simply throwing yourself out there, like maybe if you had three more Appletini's than everybody else you'll be cured once and for all. But going out more isn't always the answer, especially when you can enjoy a nice quiet evening at home with your books or video games or Netflix or whatever it is you like to enjoy.

4. Don't worry about her. She's just really shy. But being shy and being an introvert aren't the same thing. Some introverts love going out and being social, but then we need some time to ourselves to regroup and to 'come down' from the experience, so to speak. Getting out more isn't the answer. You just need to accept the fact that sometimes we feel like being out and sometimes we don't. No explanation needed.

5. Speak up. No, you lean in and listen carefully to what we are saying.

6. Are you OK? Because introverts are often quiet and drawn into our own thoughts, extroverts think that we are always mad or upset or sad about something. But we are fine!

7. Why do you hate people so much?

8. Do you have any friends? You're always alone.

9. Are you mad at me? This one is slippery, because people do deal with being mad at someone in a variety of ways, including not talking to them. But in general, we're not mad or upset, unless you're feeling guilty because you know you did something wrong.

10. You're going home already? We just got here!

11. You are so boring. Look, people enjoy different kinds of stimulation. If you want to be friends with or date someone who you think is 'boring' because their lifestyle doesn't match yours, then you should probably try harder to understand them or compromise with them at the very least. That or find somebody who matches your constantly riveting rhythm.

Song of the Day - Covers

I found this song via 8tracks. It's sick. Originally by Arcade Fire.

Mr. Little Jeans - The Suburbs

Monday, April 22, 2013

365 Days of Happy - Day 112

I went to my first PRSSA meeting tonight, and listened to the CEO of Big Shoes Network. She was an awesome speaker and brought up some really great points about job searching and networking.

She mentioned this video. It's amazing and beautiful, and I strongly encourage you to watch it.

Amanda Palmer - The Art of Asking

Song of the Day - Music Video Mondays

I found this gem on BuzzFeed the other day, where the caption read, 'Lana Del Rey's music video for Summer Wine is possibly the most vintage-y thing ever. Very convinced that she can only see in sepia tones.' 
I like this music video because it's everything Lana Del Rey encompasses and stands for. It's smoky, sexy and dreamy. It also features Lana's real life boyfriend (who looks a bit sketchy to me...maybe it's the fedora over the long, ratty hair. But, no judgement!).

This is also a cover song, originally by Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood.

P.S. Lana, where is this summer wine and where can I buy some?!

Lana Del Rey - Summer Wine

Sunday, April 21, 2013

365 Days of Happy - Day 111

Thanks, Mashable, for posting this. It's wonderful and amazing and basically the definition of a Day of Happy.

The Scared is scared

Saturday, April 20, 2013

365 Days of Happy - Day 110

I wrote this four months before I heard Anis Mojgani's Shake the Dust, but this sounds like it. Eerie.

Sunday, March 28, 2011

I don't want to write for the newspaper anymore. By newspaper I mean the Royal Purple. It is getting so old. I think I might like writing feature stories. I notice things. What color her earrings are. What brand his shoes are. Mannerisms. I like the odd, the strange and the unique. Give me a weird man with a goatee, Mohawk  tattoos up one arm and a skateboard tucked under the other over an all-American boy with American Eagle jeans and straight teeth any day. Give me that odd, different boy and sit by the river listening to some indie band no one's ever heard of and talk about Jesus. Away the with spring break talk. Behold the philosophy, the art of life, and what is love talk. Lets eat blue moon ice cream all day and go to a Burberry fashion show walk on a tightrope wearing a tight robe around the both of us. Sit on a turtle's back and float down the Mediterranean. Let the sun stain our threads and our dreads. Tip toe on expensive china, and at the end of the day after the Burberry fashion director kicked us out, after our hair is bleached and the china is broken, we'll say it was worth it. Put away the cell phones, the manifesto, the Facebook, those dirty looks, put away those damn rhymes and take out a dictionary because I don't even know what the word manifesto means. Bring out the masterpieces. Heck, bring out people, because aren't people the best masterpiece of all? Put away those dumb football and golf video games, children. Is not the point of outside and a football field to go play on it? Put away the tanning beds, because don't you know that milky, freckly skin is the most beautiful of all? Put away the monsters, the gremlins and beasts. Children do not deserve nightmares filled with you. Give me the chocolate milks, the exclamation marks, the Frisbee or kite or shoe you thought you had lost. Give me talking animals, singing stars and laughing sock puppets. Give me juicy red tomatoes, crisp green cucumbers and sweet, smooth chocolate cake. What kind of world do you see? Take away everything evil, like the word slut, slipping on banana peels, criticism that is not constructive, evil eyes, derogatory rap songs, stubbed toes, bitten tongues and paper cuts. Take away the swear words because they are polluting the atmosphere. It's not the power plants dirtying up the air. It's how we talk to one another. Give those people patience, wonder, understanding. Fill people up with passion, like you are filling a bucket with water from the spout. Fill them all the way to the top so there's no room for sin, for worry, for anger or for sadness.

Also, on a lighter note, I went paint balling today with my Delta Zeta sisters! It was super scary and I almost cried a few times, but other than that I had a blast. I got to let out some of my anger through shooting paint balls at my sisters.

Friday, April 19, 2013

365 Days of Happy - Day 109

Tonight Delta Zeta had initiation! We initiated our 18 new members into our sorority :) It was a really great event and it reminded me of why I love Delta Zeta so much. I can't tell you about the ceremony because it's super secret, so I'll tell you something else that happened to me tonight.

When I got home, I was surprised to find Ryan in my room! He surprised me with a gift - a Rubik's Cube on my bed. That's right. I've never successfully figured out a Rubik's Cube, unless you count my younger years when I would take the stickers off and place all the colored ones on one side and so on. Thankfully, Ryan helped me figure it out, and what was written on each side was a riddle!

I had to find something in my room where Simba likes to lay. I knew right where it was, because I know Simba like the back of my hand. In the box was a puzzle! I love doing puzzles. I know, it sounds super dorky, but managing four blogs like I'm doing now is also dorky and I do not care what you think.
Once I figured out the puzzle, there was a statement, 'I promise I'm a better dancer than painter' and a question - Alpha Sigma Phi formal?

AWWW. Of course I said yes :)

Song of the Day - Friday Favorites

Kings of Leon - Pyro

Thursday, April 18, 2013

365 Days of Happy - Day 108

This video has been viral for a few days now, and it seems like every day one of my friends on Facebook has been posting it to their wall. This is Dove's 'Real Beauty Sketches.' It's worth a watch!

While it's a great concept, it made me a little uncomfortable and weary. Then I came across this article from little drops, Why Dove's 'Real Beauty Sketches' Video Makes Me Uncomfortable... I won't post the whole article, because it's pretty long, but here are some things that stood out to me. I agree with this whole article.

When it comes to the diversity of the main participants, all four are Caucasian, three are blonde with blue eyes, all are thin, and all are young (the oldest appears to be 40). We see in the video that at least three black women were in fact drawn for the project. Two are briefly shown describing themselves in a negative light (one says she has a fat, round face, and one says she's getting freckles as she ages). Both women are lighter skinned. Out of 6:36 minutes of footage, people of color are onscreen for less than 10 seconds.

When the participants described themselves, these were some of the things that were implied as negatives: fat, rounder face, freckles, starting to get crows feet, moles, scars... Whereas some of the implied positive descriptors used by the others were thin face, nice thin chin, nice eyes, short and cute nose, very nice blue eyes. So... I don't know if anyone else is picking up on this, but it kinda seems to be enforcing our very narrow cultural perception of 'beauty': young, light-skinned, thin. No real diversity celebrated in race, age, or body shape. 

This reminds me of Winnie the Pooh...

No seriously, it does. Have you ever heard the quote, 'Always remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think'? That quote is from Winnie the Pooh. I've noticed a popular version of the quote is making it's way around Tumblr, Facebook and Pinterest. It's the same at the start, but then add, 'and twice as beautiful as you ever imagined.' That last part is usually written in the biggest text or italicized. It's sort of what the Dove video is saying, right? So... why is this so important? Why did girls feel like something was missing from that quote in it's original form?

Brave, strong, smart? Not enough. You have to be beautiful. And 'beautiful' means something very specific and very physical. Essentially every movie and tv show and commercial shows us that, right? It doesn't matter what other merits a woman possesses, if she is not conventionally attractive, she is essentially worthless. My primary problem with this Dove ad is that it's not really challenging the message like it makes us feel like it is. It doesn't really tell us that the definition of beauty is broader than we have been trained to think it is, and it doesn't really tell us that fitting inside that definition isn't the most important thing. All it's really saying is that you're actually not quite as far off from the narrow definition as you might think that you are.

And actually, it almost seems to remind us of how vital it is to know that we fit society's standard of attractiveness. At the end of the experiment, one of the featured participants shares what I find to be the most disturbing quote in the video and what Dove seems to think is the moral of the story as she reflects upon what she's learned, and how problematic it is that she hasn't been acknowledging her physical beauty: 'It's troubling,' she says as uplifting music swells in the background. 'I should be more grateful of my natural beauty. it impacts the choices and friends we make, the jobs we go out for, the way we treat our children, it impacts everything. It couldn't be more critical to your happiness.'

Did you hear that, ladies? How beautiful you are affects everything - from your personal relationships to your career. It could not be more critical to your happiness! And while it could be argued that the woman was actually talking about how you feel about yourself or something, it is clearly edited to suggest that the 'it' is beauty. I know we've been told it thousands upon thousands of times before, but I hope you heard that, girls: your physical, superficial beauty is the most significant part of who you are, and the most important determining factor in your life. 

And now I want you to hear this: that is a lie. For you are so, so much more than beautiful.

Check out the whole article here.

Song of the Day - TBT

This song was the theme song for the movie Flight starring Denzel Washington. I recommend seeing it - it was a really good movie!

Joe Cocker - Feelin' Alright

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

365 Days of Happy - Day 107

This makes me laugh so much. I took ballet for one semester, mostly because I thought I was graceful and that ballet was easy. I learned that I am probably the clumsiest person on earth and ballet is the hardest thing I've ever done. This little girl channels how I was like in class.

Song of the Day

Ahh. Perfect summer jam!

Jake Bugg - Two Fingers

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

365 Days of Happy - Day 106

I found this article from Thought Catalog and knew I had to post it. Even though I was a waitress for only three months, I got my fill of experience. My comments are in brackets.

10 Things You Learn At A Food Service Job
By Chelsea Fagan

1. You will always be hungry.
The time you are allotted for eating in a food service job could be best described as crouching behind a counter in a kitchen and shoveling food in your mouth as quickly as you can in between running around the establishment to attend to the 10,000 other things that need your attention while avoiding the glare of your unforgiving manager. They fill you with promises of '50% off anything on the menu,' failing to tell you that you're more likely to sprout wings and fly around the bar than to actually have a decent amount of time to eat. This, combined with the fact that you're perpetually surrounded by delicious-looking food that you can never, ever touch, means you will constantly be doubling over with hunger. Water, water everywhere and - well, you know the rest.

[Ah, how I remember this. The restaurant I worked at, Seabiscuit Cafe, made delicious meals such as macaroni and cheese balls, a lobster BLT, sweet maple bacon, stuffed french toast that was more of a dessert than a breakfast meal, a cobb salad with everything on it, sweet potato fries, and a chocolate souffle that took 25 minutes to bake! It was torture having to bring out these foods to tables when sometimes they wouldn't even eat it all! Lucky for me, whenever I worked the early shift from 6:30-2 (my favorite shift), the cook would make me a little breakfast, usually eggs mixed with hash browns and an English muffin. Is that legal? I don't know and I really don't care, but I appreciated it so much.]

2. People who don't tip should be shot.
If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to be eating at a restaurant. And unless your service was so bad as to ensure that your server should not be compensated enough to eat/pay their bills this month, you have no excuse for being a cheap bastard. Make no mistake, you will be hated, you will be remembered, and you had better plan on never coming back to that establishment ever, ever again.

[True dat. Waiters and waitresses deserve tips. They are SERVING you. After being a waitress and hanging out with other waitresses and bartenders all last summer, I've learned that you always tip 20%. At least. If you've got extra change to spare, give it to your server. It's karma - when you need some extra money, your friend will be willing to give you some. What goes around comes around.]

3. If the hostess doesn't do her job, your life sucks.
You could either end up with a completely dead section and go home with empty pockets, or you could end up with so many customers that you're essentially just throwing food at them and yelling 'EAT IT' in their general direction, if the hostess is too busy flirting/being flirted with. It's true that a big part of the hostess' job in a nice restaurant is to set an ambiance for the place and be essentially some kind of courtesan that makes everyone feel welcome and attended to, but they can easily get caught up in talking to people, doing the crossword, staring out the window, or just tapping their toe impatiently. (Having been a hostess myself, I can confirm about half the job is reminding yourself you have a job, period.) And when that job is forgotten, the seating chart is going to look like it threw up on itself, and everyone is hating each other for the rest of the evening.

[Having been a hostess myself as well, I can totally attest to this. While most of the time I was seating people, cleaning tables and taking down names, the rest of the time was spent staring out onto Main Street, looking at all the tourists, the bike riders, the same workers going back and forth. I loved being a hostess, but it's harder than it looks!]

4. If you don't like dick jokes, don't go near the kitchen.

The kitchen of nearly any restaurant is where all the various parts of society who weren't interested in or had too much of a criminal record for an office job decided to coalesce, yell at each other, be around scalding heat, and talk about women. It's basically an enormous stagnant cloud of testosterone, and it's not for the faint of heart. Shout out to the women coming up in the food world, because the guys in the kitchens - even the best kitchens - make no bones about it being something of a boy's club. One pass by the dishwasher or the various stations will be a crash-course in blue humor and graphic descriptions of the female anatomy. And the chef? As long as the kitchen is putting out good, consistent food, the chef couldn't care less. It is what it is.

[This is true. At the first restaurant I worked at, the Pub, basically every guy working in the kitchen were Jamaicans. They were charming and talked funny and also very hard to understand. At the second restaurant I worked at, Seabiscuit, most of the kitchen workers were white. Also very charming and funny. I learned that if you are nice to the kitchen, meaning you get the food out quickly, prepare all the dressings or sauces early, and generally not get in their way/be sassy to them, they're more likely to make you a yummy breakfast or make you extra fries for that one customer who insists that their fries were cold.]

5. Drunks are the worst.
If you have ever been a female employee in an establishment that serves alcohol, you deserve a gold medal of some kind right now. After a certain hour - especially on weekends, but let's not pretend like the weekday drunks don't exist too - you are guaranteed to have some middle-aged, pot-bellied, red-nosed businessman and his overgrown bros turn their bleary attention over to you and spend a good portion of the rest of the night awkwardly hitting on you. It's your job, of course, to be as polite as possible in shooting down the attempts while gently reminding them that you have some things to attend to. God forbid they try to convince you to stay by offering you some crumpled up money - at which point your job will become not punching them in the face.

[This one made me laugh like a goon. I've definitely had my fair share of drunk men when I waitressed, and I can tell you they're not fun to serve. On Mackinac Island, the day you have off work is the day you get to sleep in and then get shitfaced. It's just how it is. There are many day drinkers on the island, and it's very normal. I never minded them, because employees know how to act, but drunk tourists were the worst. No, drunk bachelorette parties were the worst!]

6. A good manager is like a unicorn.
Impossible to find. You will come to learn that most managers in food service are given just enough power to be absolutely awful to everyone, and that the biggest thrill in their lives is shitting on the various people who are chained to them by their desire for tip money. There is no task to petty for them to assign to you, or fleeting comment too irrelevant to make. Most of their time will be spent hounding after you to do minute tasks that they could easily to, sucking up to the owner of the place, and giving horrible motivational speeches before evening rush. They're essentially the failed high school football coaches of the restaurant industry, and if you ever find a good one - you never, ever leave. You won't get that happiness again.

[This one also made me laugh like a complete fool. It also brought back some repressed memories of my first manager at the Pub on Mackinac. He was Jamaican, about 7 foot tall, and scary as all hell, even though people called him 'Chicken'. I kid you not. I don't think I ever did see him smile. Oh, wait, he didn't smile. He sneered, like the Grinch. I ended up quitting that job because of how crude and disturbing he was. The second manager I had, let's call her Emily, was better, but somehow hated me, and I knew it. It seemed like every mistake I made, she was there to witness. She didn't give me my job back at Seabiscuit, and I soon came to realize that employees or managers on Mackinac only care about themselves and about making the most money they can.]

7. Good chefs are rock stars.
If you are in a city and work in a nice, critically-respected restaurant, you will find that few people in town are cooler than the chef. Usually relatively young, often featuring arm tattoos and nice hair, the chefs are the people who do a job they love, always down for a good drink after the shift (and are usually buying), provide everyone with amazing food, and are always getting spreads in the newspaper posing with their most famous dishes. We are currently riding a wave of some kind of culinary zeitgeist, and may it last forever, because the cream-of-the-crop chefs are the kind of stars whose products you can actually  eat. Just beware, should you decide to date said hot/awesome chef, every foodie hipster in town will be perpetually hitting on them.

[I remember this guy. His name was Jason and he was not hot or awesome, but he did look a bit like leatherface in Texas Chainsaw Massacre. That part creeped me out, but he was a relatively cool guy.]

8. No one drinks like middle-aged women on 'Girls Night.'
If you've ever had the pleasure/agony of hosting a group of dyed, tanned, and provocatively-clad middle-aged suburban women on a Girl's Night, you have seen what it means to drink. These are the women who are going to plow through round after round of jewel-toned cocktails an endless bottles of fresh white wine, just looking to 'let loose' and 'have a good time,' because the 'hubbies are home with the kids' and it's time to 'go crazy.' There will eventually be group cries of 'wooooh,' as well as the open appreciation of the younger males asses on the waitstaff. Eventually, you're going to have to find your sacrificial lamb and find a 17-year-old busboy to come and bring them something so they can fawn over how cute he is and how much they just want to pinch his cheeks. Don't worry, they usually tip like Rockefellers, as long as you keep them in Chardonnay and firm butt cheeks.

[It's like these women have saved up the past ten years of their lives in suburbia to drink! They can drink like no other, and they ALL come to Mackinac Island to have their bachelorette party/birthday party/girl's reunion.]

9. Everyone on the staff has slept with everyone else at some point.
You will quickly come to find, in any restaurant/bar/combination of the two, that everyone should probably be getting tested, given the amount of boning they are perpetually engaging in. There will always be at least four couples who are in some state of infatuation/seriousness/rockiness/break-up/avoiding eye contact, and it never gets any less weird to be around. It's hard to keep up with the ever-turning carousel of relationships, and if you decide to ever step on yourself, you may never get off. It's just a black hole of convenience, familiarity, and going out for drinks after every other shift.

[Um. I actually had no idea about this, and didn't take part in it because I was seeing a guy I was working with for practically the whole summer. It makes sense though. There was one 19 year old girl I worked with was sleeping with Old Man Joe, who was 20 years her senior. Yikes.]

10. If you don't watch out, you could quickly develop a drinking problem.
The thing about the restaurant crowd is, given how late you all get off work, you are pretty much obligated to hang out with each other. Everyone else has to get up early for work the next day, and has already been in bed for hours. And what is there to do at 1 am? Go to an after-hours place and get wasted, after more-or-less every shift. You'll have your usuals - lemon drops, Rumplemints, whiskey shots - and you'll just fall into a comforting routine with a group of night owls who make drinking 4 out of 5 weekday nights seem completely normal. It's probably for the best to keep an eye on this stuff, lest you end up like the alcoholic on the staff (and every staff has at least one). They all started somewhere.

[If I waitressed somewhere else, like in Burlington or Whitewater, I wouldn't have drank as much as I did on Mackinac. It was just so easy and convenient! After a long, hard day on your feet, you would want a shift drink - a free drink from the bar, anything you want! Plus you would know the specials at every bar on Main Street. There really was nothing else to do on the island, except for partake in touristy things, which was completely out of the question.  So, drink I did. Bottoms up!]